One of the things I resent about having to undergo fertility treatment is that it seems to diminish some of the small joys associated with making and having a baby.

Fun, carefree sex…. Gone!  Light-hearted conversations about who the baby will look like… Out the window! Desperately trying to figure out if your husband or the milk-man is the father of your unborn child… History!

I love surprising my husband, and couldn’t wait for the opportunity to tell him that I was pregnant. Fertility drugs, regimented sex schedules, meticulously documented menstrual cycles, calculated two-week waits and frequent pregnancy tests sort of ruin the element of surprise. My darling husband will, as a matter of course, know when I had my last period, when I ovulated, and when we are due for a pregnancy test.

Damn you, Assisted Reproductive Technology, you have stolen my power to surprise!

Before we knew that we would need help to get pregnant, I had thought of a few possible ways to give him the news that he had knocked me up:

  1. Stick a tiny bow on my tummy approximately where I imagine the teeny embryo would be, then tell him I have a present for him hidden somewhere on my body and he has to find it.
  2. Buy a ridiculously corny t-shirt saying something like “the bun-maker”, “New Dad!”, or “Got One Past the Goalie” and hide it under his pillow.
  3. Wrapping the positive pregnancy test and giving it to him as a gift with a six-pack of beer for him to celebrate (and perhaps a non-alcoholic champagne for me which I can drink out of the crystal flutes we got as a wedding present).
  4. Vomiting a lot and complaining that I am too fat for any of my clothes, and just letting him figure it out.

Don’t get me wrong. He and I will both be absolutely ecstatic when we finally get that news. But it does take some of the fun out of it, doesn’t it?



Filed under Infertility

5 responses to “Surprise-ability

  1. I was just thinking about this the other day– I’ve always looked forward to “surprising” my husband with the news when it happens for us. Now as we face fertility treatments, it really feels like something has been taken from us.

    Like you said, gone are the days of carefree sex and secret cycles– make way for tests, drugs, scheduled sex (the worst) and planned pregnancy tests with expected results.

    Boo. I feel your pain, friend.

  2. Al

    It totally takes the fun out of both the spontaneous baby makin’ sex AND surprising the hubster w/ the pregnancy news. My hubby knows what cycle day I’m on and when we’ll know if this cycle will work or not. But I’m glad he’s as interested and invested in this as I am. And it will be one hell of a celebration when we get the good news together…

  3. i know – it stinks…however at this point, after 9 months of TTC, I feel like getting a BFP will surprise us both, lol

  4. We went through 12 months of TTC. We just “got past the goalie.” My hubs new everything from cycle day to CM. He knew I was testing, but honestly it doesn’t take ANYTHING away. It is still special b/c he was there with me! You will still be creative and it will still be special for you!! Fingers crossed for soon!!!