Where did all that hope go?….

You might remember this post I made a week ago talking about how hopeful I was for this cycle. And although the 2WW has been getting more and more difficult, and I’ve become increasingly impatient, I’ve remained fairly chirpy (as much as usual, anyway).

But today I’m down in the dumps. To put it lightly, I feel like shit. I think I have noticed the first signs of an impending period. And it’s only CD 21! The signs are subtle, and to be honest I’ve had so few periods in the last 18 months (five, to be precise) that I might be out of practise at identifying the signs. Besides which, I didn’t truly expect to get pregnant on my first round of Clomid. But none of that matters. I still feel terrible. And it’s not only the IF saga, I just feel flat and worn down in general.

I’m still hoping that this will be a 24 hour blip, and that I’ll wake tomorrow full of hope once more. And that when I go to my Endocrinologist tomorrow for the results of my MRI there will be no nasty surprises, because I really don’t need something else to worry about. And then Friday morning I’m heading to the hospital before work for my CD23 bloods, the point of which is to confirm that I ovulated, but there’s a sneaky beta HCG thrown in for good measure even though I’ll only be 11 DPO.

In the meantime, I might make the most of having the house to myself and take myself off to the bedroom for a little cry. I’m sure to feel better (if not a bit ridiculous) after that.

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10 Comments

Filed under 2WW, Infertility, Photos

10 responses to “Where did all that hope go?….

  1. If I had a nickle for every time I cried over the past 10 months, I’d be rich. You are not ridiculous– this is a stressful, often disappointing process that is full of emotions. Let yourself feel however you feel! Hope the MRI results are fantastic and the CD23 blood work is even better!! *Hugs!*

  2. Not to give you false hope or anything, but I was almost certain my period was coming for several days during this last cycle. I hope you had your cry and that it helped you feel better, but don’t despair quite yet.

  3. Al

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling like crap, the 2ww is a total rollercoaster ride and mindf*ck somedays you’ll feel very positive and others you’ll feel the impending doom. Neither is wrong, it’s just all a part of this FUN journey :-). I hope you get fantastic MRI results and progesterone…oh and a positive HCG level would be AMAZING! I have my fingers crossed for you, very best of luck this cycle. Hope today is a better day!

  4. Yep, some days are just like that and it sucks. I hope the cry got the doubt and anxiety and negativity out of your system. And I will be crossing my fingers for great news from that double-whammy blood test!

  5. Red

    You do have a lot going on atm. A good cry is acceptable.

    Best of luck for both appointments. I have my fingers crossed for you.

  6. Secret Sloper

    Yeah, not to feed the potential Mind Fetus (as we call the phantom babies that crop during the 2ww on my board at The Bump), but I was absolutely convinced that I was getting my period in the 2ww of my pregnant cycle. I even cried about how I’d never get pregnant. The two felt remarkably the same for me.

    Good luck to you.

  7. my hope has come and gone so much during these past 11 months…it stinks and it’s confusing!! We’re going through SO MUCH! I hope you get good news from the doctors!

  8. rainingblossoms

    I am so sorry you aren’t feeling the best. It’s amazing how much our hopes rise and fall depending on the day. I hope the doctors have good news for you!

  9. It really is such a roller coaster isn’t it? Cry if you need to – better out than in I say. Oh and just as a little aside – I thought my period was coming when we were in Thailand but it didn’t – hopefully the same thing will happen for you – I have everything crossed!

    Thank goodness the weather has cooled down, hey – I was melting!

  10. Just realized I spelled nickel wrong in my post! 🙂