The failure of my breasts to ever act remotely breast-like

I’ve been a bit boring and charting-obsessed for the past couple of weeks, so I thought it was time for a change of subject. And what better subject than my breasts? Because if I can’t talk about them in this forum, where can I talk about them?

Aside from interfering with the eye-contact of many potential suitors, my breasts have never really done anything. I don’t expect them to create world peace, climb Mt Everest, or do anything quite so dramatic. But for the past decade and a half, they have just been inert lumps of… um… I’m trying to find a suitable metaphor. Unfortunately they’re not pert rock-melons, but they’re not exactly empty wind-socks either. So, they’ve been inert lumps of… slightly droopy jelly? I digress. They never get sore before or during a period. They don’t seem to even know when I’m ovulating. When my pituitary adenoma was in full swing and I had a Prolactin level of 4,000 (trust me, that’s high) they must have been away on holiday, sunning themselves on some exotic nudist beach. My dirty-pillows seem to be an entirely separate entity from the rest of my body, only attached to me in a mechanical sense by some connective tissue, ligaments and skin.

The laziness of my boobs worries me now that I’m deep in the throes of trying to conceive. I’m particularly concerned about the fact they did not respond to such a high PRL. Prolactin, as the name suggests, is the hormone responsible for stimulating your lady-lumps to produce milk. PRL starts to rise during pregnancy, and remains elevated during breast-feeding.

Until I met my husband, I was not one of those girls who dreams about her wedding day. But I did dream about being a mum. I can remember being four years old and rocking my dolls and knowing that one day I would have real babies to care for. Breastfeeding has been a big part of that dream for me, and I have really been looking forward to that chance to bond with my baby. Even though I know breastfeeding can be difficult and painful, I’d be devastated if I didn’t at least have the option to feed my baby that way.

But if my lazy lumps didn’t respond to a PRL of 4,000 last year, will they respond to a similar PRL postpartum?

First things must come first, I suppose, and I should probably focus on actually conceiving a baby. But I don’t mind admitting that if one of my pregnancy symptoms is sore breasts, I think – for the first time in a way that is not related to how they look in a low cut top (fantastic, in case you’re wondering) – I might actually feel proud of my tits.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “The failure of my breasts to ever act remotely breast-like

  1. Secret Sloper

    This post amused me 🙂 I don’t know what’s worse–breasts that never respond to anything or breasts that respond to EVERYTHING. Mine get sore when I ovulate, when I get my period, when I was pregnant, when I sneeze…

  2. Ugh, breasts. Mine have always been the smallest things you ever laid eyes on — to the point that I sometimes questioned why God even bothered putting them there. I mean, really, when you’re 28 and shopping for a bra in the teen section … yeah, awkward. And they’re even a bit lop-sided … like, the left one could maybe work an A cup, but the right one (particularly post lumpectomy) no way. Even pregnant with quads, the right one is just sitting there useless, making the left pick up all the slack. I am not optimistic about breastfeeding ability either, but maybe I could pump from the more-normalish right side?

    I wish I could offer you some comfort besides humor though … you don’t know whether or not you’ll be able to breastfeed, but I can totally understand why you’d be concerned with prolactin at 4,000 and lack of signs of production. I don’t know what levels are for a woman who has given birth. Hopefully you will be able to, and even if you can’t do so exclusively you may be able to at least enjoy that time on the breast as a bonding experience even if you’re only producing a tiny bit.

  3. Red

    I can not say I ever had really sore breasts during my cycles until I was pregnant, but I breastfed Champ for over 14 months and had quite an oversupply happening at some points. Saying that, I did never had 4000 prolactin in me before having him either, so I see why you are concerned.

    If breastfeeding is something you are really passionate about, you will do it. Speak to your local ABA group once you conceive and there are heaps of things you can do before actually giving birth to help your girls along.

  4. It’s so strange how IF makes us SUPER aware of everything female…I am uber-conscientious about my breasts…it’s pretty scary!

  5. I can understand your fears– I hope to be able to breastfeed, but I’m constantly worried that I won’t be able to for one reason or another…

  6. This cracked me up and totally hit home for me: I never ever get sore breasts either. I’m sure it drives some women nuts in the 2ww, but since I get nooooo symptoms (not even cramps!), I never needlessly get my hopes up. Upside? 🙂 Hang in there at 10dpo, we’re counting down with you!!

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