I’ve been a bit boring and charting-obsessed for the past couple of weeks, so I thought it was time for a change of subject. And what better subject than my breasts? Because if I can’t talk about them in this forum, where can I talk about them?
Aside from interfering with the eye-contact of many potential suitors, my breasts have never really done anything. I don’t expect them to create world peace, climb Mt Everest, or do anything quite so dramatic. But for the past decade and a half, they have just been inert lumps of… um… I’m trying to find a suitable metaphor. Unfortunately they’re not pert rock-melons, but they’re not exactly empty wind-socks either. So, they’ve been inert lumps of… slightly droopy jelly? I digress. They never get sore before or during a period. They don’t seem to even know when I’m ovulating. When my pituitary adenoma was in full swing and I had a Prolactin level of 4,000 (trust me, that’s high) they must have been away on holiday, sunning themselves on some exotic nudist beach. My dirty-pillows seem to be an entirely separate entity from the rest of my body, only attached to me in a mechanical sense by some connective tissue, ligaments and skin.
The laziness of my boobs worries me now that I’m deep in the throes of trying to conceive. I’m particularly concerned about the fact they did not respond to such a high PRL. Prolactin, as the name suggests, is the hormone responsible for stimulating your lady-lumps to produce milk. PRL starts to rise during pregnancy, and remains elevated during breast-feeding.
Until I met my husband, I was not one of those girls who dreams about her wedding day. But I did dream about being a mum. I can remember being four years old and rocking my dolls and knowing that one day I would have real babies to care for. Breastfeeding has been a big part of that dream for me, and I have really been looking forward to that chance to bond with my baby. Even though I know breastfeeding can be difficult and painful, I’d be devastated if I didn’t at least have the option to feed my baby that way.
But if my lazy lumps didn’t respond to a PRL of 4,000 last year, will they respond to a similar PRL postpartum?
First things must come first, I suppose, and I should probably focus on actually conceiving a baby. But I don’t mind admitting that if one of my pregnancy symptoms is sore breasts, I think – for the first time in a way that is not related to how they look in a low cut top (fantastic, in case you’re wondering) – I might actually feel proud of my tits.