Monthly Archives: March 2010

A Big Weekend, and a Big Occasion

Just a quick update to let you all know that I’m still here! I’m feeling okay today. For a while I thought that I was starting to feel a bit better but Friday, Saturday and yesterday were pretty rough so now I’m wondering if it was just wishful thinking.

Thankfully I felt relatively good on Sunday. My Dad and brother were visiting from NZ for the weekend and on Sunday we (along with H) headed off to the Grand Prix. By no stretch of the imagination can I be considered a petrol-head. I don’t usually even watch the Formula 1 on television. A day out with the family seemed like a fun idea (and I didn’t want to be left out!) so I decided to go along with the boys. I don’t feel the need to go again next year, but it was a fun day, although to be honest I think I enjoyed the airshow more than the cars!

Below are some pics from the airshow and later our four pairs of feet standing on tire marks from the F1 cars. My brother and father collected pieces of rubber to take home as souvenirs!

Tomorrow is a big day – we have our first visit with our obstetrician. I’m a little nervous but mostly excited, and I’m really really hoping there is the opportunity to get an ultrasound. I’ll feel so much better once I know there’s a beating heart in there (and just one beating heart, thank you!).

I’m on night-shift over Easter so there’s no long weekend for me unfortunately. This last batch of night-shift has really mucked with my sleep patterns and I’ve been waking very early and having trouble falling back asleep, which is very unusual for me. Although maybe it has more to do with the pregnancy than the night-shift?

OK folks, it’s bed time for me. I’ll update you later in the week about how the doctor’s appointment goes.

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A Rant, about a Comment, about a Rant

Jin over at The Truth is Out There wrote an interesting post about pregnant women complaining about their pregnancy symptoms – check it out. There has been some commenting going backwards and forwards about a particular comment on this post, which I have copied below (apologies that I didn’t get the author’s approval, but I don’t know who you are!):

 I dont know… you seem to be intimating that complaining about pregnancy symptoms equates to loving or appreciating your unborn child less. I dont see the correlation. If you feel terrible, why shouldn’t you be able to voice that? I dont think appreciating your pregnancy in any way relates to if you do or do not voice your discomfort with regards to pregnancy symptoms.

I had already commented on Jin’s post and started to comment about this comment too, when I realised I was writing a novel and it would be better off in a post of its own.

I have to say, I do tend to agree with the anonymous commenter. It’s pointless to complain volubly and continuously about anything – be it morning sickness, a head cold, or work stress. It just doesn’t achieve anything. But sometimes, when you feel awful, there’s nothing wrong with saying so. The catharsis is important and it’s a way to seek some support.

Everyone has different opinions on this issue (just like any other) – and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion – that’s what makes us human! And I like the fact that we can share these opinions, and have lively discussions about our differences. But I feel a bit bad for this commenter who I thought was perfectly polite and respectful – just voicing an individual opinion, like we all do every time we comment or blog. It’s a bit rough to accuse them of “bitching and moaning” just because they have a different opinion from yours.

I accept that I’m biased here – I have struggled with morning sickness for the past month and I do complain at times. Sometimes I need to be able to Tweet that I feel awful, before I can find the strength to get up off the floor and get back to work. Sometimes I need to tell my husband that I’m struggling so that he can help me out. And yes, I’m infertile. Being an infertile pregnant might make me more appreciative of my pregnancy, but it doesn’t lessen the impact of terrible symptoms.

I think the important thing to think about here is that there’s a big difference in pointlessly and frequently complaining while being unappreciative, and stating that you feel like crap while still being grateful for the pregnancy.

I think we need to be very careful here. I think it puts a whole load more pressure on a group of already very stressed out women to start implying that they shouldn’t have the chance to vent or seek their friends’ support when their pregnancy symptoms get tough. Isn’t the whole point of this internet community to support and understand each other?

I’d be interested in your opinions, whether they agree with my own or not.

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Filed under Blogging, Infertility, Pregnancy

Missing In Action

I know that I’ve been MIA lately, and I apologise. Truthfully, I’ve been feeling so dreadful that I haven’t been able to do anything except work (sometimes) and lie on the couch. Even looking at a computer screen seems to exacerbate my nausea.

When I saw my GP at almost 4 weeks’ gestation to get a beta HCG level, she asked me if I had any symptoms yet, and I said no. At that point I was almost looking forward to symptoms starting so that I would feel pregnant as well as knowing I was pregnant. The first symptom I noticed, at 4 weeks, was thirst. I’m not normally a thirsty person. I usually have to remind myself to drink because unless I’m super hot or exercising I just don’t get much of a sense of thirst. But in that week from 4w to 5w I was SO thirsty, constantly. I had to carry a water bottle with me everywhere. I really wish that thirst had stayed my main symptom!

Pretty soon the exhaustion kicked in. I almost enjoyed this one for a while! It felt indulgent to get home from work and lie on the couch, to have an excuse to not cook dinner, to be able to have naps most days.

By 5 weeks I started to notice a touch of nausea, but it wasn’t too bad and I certainly wasn’t vomiting. Every now and again I would just feel a little bit seedy, as if I’d had one too many wines the night before. If I had a quick snack the nausea seemed to disappear again. Again I thought “this isn’t so bad”. Oh what a surprise I was in for!

The morning sickness really kicked in on my last day in New Zealand. It started around lunch time and just built and built. By the time I was at the airport waiting for my flight home I felt absolutely rotten. I was dreading getting on that plane. I get motion sickness at the best of times and I just knew I’d end up needing those air sickness bags they provide on board. And I did. Twice. Luckily both times I made it to the toilet first! I’d had the forethought to ask for an aisle seat towards the back of the plane in order to reduce my transit time for dashes to the loo. I highly recommend doing this if you’re travelling and you think you’re going to need to puke for whatever reason!

Since then I’ve been feeling gross, pretty much all the time. I have taken four days (or part-days) off work, which I hate. I started a new job 2 days after we conceived, and my work performance has been significantly affected by my symptoms.  As well as my days off, my efficiency at work is much lower than usual. I felt like it was reflecting badly on my bosses’ interpretations of my performance, especially since they don’t have a long work history on which to base their opinions of me. About a week ago I told my supervisor who was very sympathetic. His wife has just had their second child and clearly she suffered with morning sickness too because he had some handy hints!

The only thing that seems to help is eating – constantly. Which is not as easy as it sounds, because I have absolutely zero appetite, and I feel disgustingly full all the time.

The silver lining to the morning sickness cloud is that we had a really good excuse to tell our close friends about the pregnancy, which was a lot of fun. It was pretty obvious that I was spending most of my time either sleeping or puking, so they would have figured it out pretty quickly!

To be honest I’ve found it pretty difficult to cope with. I’m not used to feeling unwell and I hate the impact it has had on my life. I’m so, so pleased to be pregnant, and I’d put up with a lot worse if I had to, but to be honest sometimes I’m just tired of feeling sick.

But…

… at least I truly do feel pregnant now.

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A Trip to a Vineyard, a Trip to New Zealand, and Frequent Trips to the ‘Vomit Throne’

I’ve been a very bad bloggy friend this week. Morning sickness has hit me hard since I returned from New Zealand and I’ve barely made it off the couch. I’ve had three days off work this week. Even sitting down in front of the computer to update this sad old blog has just seemed too much like hard work. The house is about to be declared a disaster zone, and I haven’t cooked a meal in….. um…. I can’t even remember. But. I’ve decided that I can’t possibly spend the next 6 weeks (please don’t let it be any longer than that!) lying around doing absolutely nothing, so I’m going to try to do what I would normally do and hope that it acts as some sort of distraction from the nausea. To that end, this morning I have put away all the clean dishes, gone to the supermarket, cooked (and eaten!) dinner, and I’m going to write this post. I’ve already achieved more today than I have for the last 6 days.
 
So, let’s start back at the very beginning: my visit to a vineyard for a friend’s party the evening that I started spotting. In some ways it was a really difficult evening: there were kids around and a lot of baby talk, and I spent most of the evening hoping, hoping that the spotting wasn’t heralding the early end to my pregnancy. In other ways though, it was a good evening. The vineyard was lovely, the company pleasant, the weather perfect, and it did serve as a much-needed distraction from my thoughts. Because I wasn’t drinking I was inevitably asked if I was pregnant. And I managed to lie, quite convincingly, on more than one occasion.

  

I was really hoping that the spotting would stop before I left for NZ so that I could tell my mother about the pregnancy without the joy being tainted by fear. And it did! I couldn’t even wait to get out of the airport before I told her. I asked her whether my brother and sister-in-law were still planning to host Christmas this year – yes, there were. I confirmed that H and I would (for the first time in years) both be able to come to NZ for Christmas, and then asked Mum whether she though my brother and SIL would mind if we brought someone with us. She told me later that she was trying to think of a … way of saying that actually, no, she wasn’t sure that would be appropriate when I added… “he’ll only be seven weeks old”. (We’ve been referring to the baby as “he” only because I can’t stand the idea of using “it”). It took her a few seconds to register what I was saying, but then when she did… oh my goodness was she excited! We talked about babies the whole way home (and most of the night, and the next day). She’s already started trying to decide what she wants to be called: Grandma, Nana, something else entirely…

The photos below are from the Mission Bay Jazz Festival which Mum and I attended with my brother and SIL.

 

On Sunday the extended family on my father’s side gathered at his place for a barbecue. My last surviving grandparent (Papa) was there, two of my three brothers (and therefore two of my three sisters-in-law) as well as my niece and nephew. It was a lovely evening, and so wonderful to be able to spend some quality time with the family. I was the first to arrive, and my dad immediately offered to pour me a glass of wine. I nonchalantly declined and suggested a juice instead. I am not, nor have I ever been, much of a drinker, so I truly didn’t expect that my refusal of a glass of wine would even raise an eyebrow. How wrong I was! The next words out of my father’s mouth were “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”. I didn’t know what to say! I hadn’t been planning on telling my dad, but I wasn’t prepared to outright lie to him either. (The reason I didn’t want to tell him is that I wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep it a secret. When my oldest brother was expecting his first baby Dad told me before my brother was able to, even though he’d been sworn to secrecy). My hesitation was all the answer he needed: “That’s a ‘yes’, isn’t it”. My father and step-mother were delighted with the news, and I (repeatedly) requested their silence, so here’s hoping they keep the secret for a few more weeks. Apparently my father is quite good a knowing when a woman is pregnant (must be an occupational hazard) but he told me that 5 weeks is the earliest he’s picked it!

So, that’s a brief summary of my trip (the important bits, anyway). I’d been feeling tired and a bit seedy at times since just after 4 weeks, but my morning sickness kicked into gear on the flight home to Melbourne. I was going to regale you all with tales of my many trips to the bathroom in the last week, but all this productivity has exhausted me, so I’ll save that story for another day. I can hear you all sighing in disappointment, saying “oh but Tio, we really want to hear all about your vomit” but I’m afraid you’ll just have to be patient.

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Will this do, for now?

I know. I was supposed to write a post yesterday. I’m very, very sorry that I didn’t. And spending the whole day on the couch because I was feeling rotten really isn’t much of an excuse.

I totally intended to write the post today instead. Totally. Intended. But, ah, I feel pretty rotten today as well.

So instead of writing, here’s the onesie I bought in New Zealand:

Pretty cute, huh?

I hope this will do, for now.

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Honey, I’m Home!

I’m back! And I missed you all. I had no internet access while I was in NZ so I’ve come home to find a very full Google Reader waiting for me, and I’m looking forward to catching up on all of your stories.

I have the day off tomorrow so I’ll write a proper post then, but in the meantime I just wanted to let you all know that I’m doing well, there has been no more spotting, and morning sickness is kicking in. Oh, and I bought the cutest onesie with a kiwi on the front.

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