Jin over at The Truth is Out There wrote an interesting post about pregnant women complaining about their pregnancy symptoms – check it out. There has been some commenting going backwards and forwards about a particular comment on this post, which I have copied below (apologies that I didn’t get the author’s approval, but I don’t know who you are!):
I dont know… you seem to be intimating that complaining about pregnancy symptoms equates to loving or appreciating your unborn child less. I dont see the correlation. If you feel terrible, why shouldn’t you be able to voice that? I dont think appreciating your pregnancy in any way relates to if you do or do not voice your discomfort with regards to pregnancy symptoms.
I had already commented on Jin’s post and started to comment about this comment too, when I realised I was writing a novel and it would be better off in a post of its own.
I have to say, I do tend to agree with the anonymous commenter. It’s pointless to complain volubly and continuously about anything – be it morning sickness, a head cold, or work stress. It just doesn’t achieve anything. But sometimes, when you feel awful, there’s nothing wrong with saying so. The catharsis is important and it’s a way to seek some support.
Everyone has different opinions on this issue (just like any other) – and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion – that’s what makes us human! And I like the fact that we can share these opinions, and have lively discussions about our differences. But I feel a bit bad for this commenter who I thought was perfectly polite and respectful – just voicing an individual opinion, like we all do every time we comment or blog. It’s a bit rough to accuse them of “bitching and moaning” just because they have a different opinion from yours.
I accept that I’m biased here – I have struggled with morning sickness for the past month and I do complain at times. Sometimes I need to be able to Tweet that I feel awful, before I can find the strength to get up off the floor and get back to work. Sometimes I need to tell my husband that I’m struggling so that he can help me out. And yes, I’m infertile. Being an infertile pregnant might make me more appreciative of my pregnancy, but it doesn’t lessen the impact of terrible symptoms.
I think the important thing to think about here is that there’s a big difference in pointlessly and frequently complaining while being unappreciative, and stating that you feel like crap while still being grateful for the pregnancy.
I think we need to be very careful here. I think it puts a whole load more pressure on a group of already very stressed out women to start implying that they shouldn’t have the chance to vent or seek their friends’ support when their pregnancy symptoms get tough. Isn’t the whole point of this internet community to support and understand each other?
I’d be interested in your opinions, whether they agree with my own or not.