A Rant, about a Comment, about a Rant

Jin over at The Truth is Out There wrote an interesting post about pregnant women complaining about their pregnancy symptoms – check it out. There has been some commenting going backwards and forwards about a particular comment on this post, which I have copied below (apologies that I didn’t get the author’s approval, but I don’t know who you are!):

 I dont know… you seem to be intimating that complaining about pregnancy symptoms equates to loving or appreciating your unborn child less. I dont see the correlation. If you feel terrible, why shouldn’t you be able to voice that? I dont think appreciating your pregnancy in any way relates to if you do or do not voice your discomfort with regards to pregnancy symptoms.

I had already commented on Jin’s post and started to comment about this comment too, when I realised I was writing a novel and it would be better off in a post of its own.

I have to say, I do tend to agree with the anonymous commenter. It’s pointless to complain volubly and continuously about anything – be it morning sickness, a head cold, or work stress. It just doesn’t achieve anything. But sometimes, when you feel awful, there’s nothing wrong with saying so. The catharsis is important and it’s a way to seek some support.

Everyone has different opinions on this issue (just like any other) – and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion – that’s what makes us human! And I like the fact that we can share these opinions, and have lively discussions about our differences. But I feel a bit bad for this commenter who I thought was perfectly polite and respectful – just voicing an individual opinion, like we all do every time we comment or blog. It’s a bit rough to accuse them of “bitching and moaning” just because they have a different opinion from yours.

I accept that I’m biased here – I have struggled with morning sickness for the past month and I do complain at times. Sometimes I need to be able to Tweet that I feel awful, before I can find the strength to get up off the floor and get back to work. Sometimes I need to tell my husband that I’m struggling so that he can help me out. And yes, I’m infertile. Being an infertile pregnant might make me more appreciative of my pregnancy, but it doesn’t lessen the impact of terrible symptoms.

I think the important thing to think about here is that there’s a big difference in pointlessly and frequently complaining while being unappreciative, and stating that you feel like crap while still being grateful for the pregnancy.

I think we need to be very careful here. I think it puts a whole load more pressure on a group of already very stressed out women to start implying that they shouldn’t have the chance to vent or seek their friends’ support when their pregnancy symptoms get tough. Isn’t the whole point of this internet community to support and understand each other?

I’d be interested in your opinions, whether they agree with my own or not.



Filed under Blogging, Infertility, Pregnancy

6 responses to “A Rant, about a Comment, about a Rant

  1. Jin

    I think you said it better than I did (btw do I approve your pingback? Not entirely sure). I think I said complaining about it once in a while is fine, but a lot of people don’t – and that’s what ticks me off about forums/people. It’s the complaining about everything excessively that’s my issue is. It’s like complaining about the rainy weather…when you live in a climate where it constantly rains and the sun never comes out.

    • Tio

      Exactly! Of course it’s going to rain… so why complain about it. I suspect that many people use forums as a way of getting all their complaining out because it’s more impersonal than real life. And some people just love to complain. It’s a personality trait.

  2. Al

    This is such a hard topic to for me to know what I think about it, as I have never experienced morning sickness, I don’t have a strong opinion. When pregnant IFers state they’re feeling like crap, I have a mixture of emotions about it – I feel sorry for them, I wish they weren’t feeling so horrible, I’m jealous of them, I’m happy that they have symptoms and their pregnancy is going strong. I just often don’t know what to say to offer support and I don’t want to tell them what they already know – that this pukiness is so worth it.

    I agree that the point of this community is to receive support and understanding on whatever stage of this journey you’re on. When I was pregnant for a bit, I did feel pressure you’re talking about and that everything I said about the pregnancy could annoy or hurt others. It was hard. So, I get where you’re coming from. And I hope you still feel support from fellow bloggers throughout your pregnancy.

    • Tio

      Thanks for your input Al. There’s no question that the journey changes, but I do still feel supported and connected to the IF community, and I think I always will. We all know that a pregnant IFer will likely face the same challenges if she decides to pursue further pregnancies, so once an infertile, always an infertile! Once you’ve felt that pain and sadness you can’t forget it.

  3. Feeling sick sucks, no matter what, and when an IFer writes/talks about nausea and other symptoms, the first and biggest reaction I have is, “ugh, that really blows.” I also echo Al’s sentiments, and it’s a little hard to admit: A piece of me is jelaous when I read this stuff b/c I would love to experience pregnancy so badly. But that doesn’t make me angry and mad at the person for venting…it just intensifies my own yearning, if that makes any sense. So if I’m in a good happy place that day I can usually be a supportive friend and if I’m having a dark/horrid IF day maybe I have to hold off on reaching out to comfort that person.

    It’s not like life suddenly becomes unicorns and rainbows 24/7 when you knocked up, and I don’t believe preggo IFers should try to pretend that it is or feel guilty if their thoughts/words suggest it’s not. Life is messy!

    BTW, I live in Chicago where it’s freezing and grey most of the year. We complain about it all the time! Doh! 🙂

  4. I hope you feel better soon =)