Since the Wee Man was born, I have already felt some of the fear and pain associated with infertility seeping out of me. Now that we have our precious boy safe and sound, I can feel more confident that when we decide to get back on the TTC wagon we will once again be successful. In IF terms, we had a pretty easy ride the first time along – we were successful with only our second medicated cycle. It’s no guarantee of course, but I know that with a little help my body can conceive and carry a child, and that’s reassuring. (My body doesn’t seem to know how to deliver a child, but that’s a story for another post!)
In the early hours of this morning though, I had a reminder of just how sad and scared I felt back at the beginning of this pregnancy. When I started bleeding a few days after our positive pregnancy test, my husband was at a work training course. I called him in tears, and he was understandably upset. We both thought our dream was over.
This training course was a pretty big deal for H. He had waited a long time to get a place on it, and it was a compulsory step in order to move his career in the direction he desired. H confided in two of the instructors, who gave him some wonderful support and advice and promptly sent him home to me, reassuring H that his absence would be ‘unofficial’ and would not affect the completion of the course.
In the early hours of this morning as I lay in bed in the heat, trying to fall back to sleep after feeding my beautiful little fellow, I checked my emails on my phone. H had forwarded me two emails – replies from the two instructors to an email H had sent them letting them know that Will had arrived safely.
It brought tears to my eyes. Firstly for the kindness they showed H at that difficult time, and for how genuinely pleased they are for us now. Secondly because in reading what H wrote to them in his thank you I was reminded of just how awful those few days were. My big tough man who rarely gets sad had described himself as ‘heartbroken’.
And now, as I hear my babe waking from his morning nap, I am reminded of just how lucky we are.