Category Archives: PCOS

The Miserable Bitch

I had my 6-monthly follow up with my endocrinologist last month to monitor my pituitary adenoma. Luckily I had the whole day off work so I was able to rush into the city first thing to get my blood taken (I have to get it taken at the same lab each time), then spend the day exploring the city (by which I mean shopping) before my appointment in the afternoon.

The good news is that my blood levels are all in the normal range. My specialist is so happy that he doesn’t think I need an MRI next year and will step me down to yearly visits. Fewer doctor appointments? I’m on board with that! I still have to get my prolactin levels checked regularly and let him know if they go up again, or if I get pregnant (yeah, right).

The bad news is that after more than six months of nearly-regular cycles during which I’m pretty sure I was ovulating, my body seems to have fallen back into it’s old PCOS ways. I’m on CD 84 with a complete absence of any hormonal signs or symptoms.  Welcome back to anovulatory world! I guess that means no surprise post-IF baby for me. While that’s probably a good thing because our lives are just too hectic at the moment to seriously contemplate adding to our family, it means that I once more have to give up all those dreams. You know the ones: being able to surprise H with the news of a pregnancy, not having to undergo fertility treatment for round two. Basically, it once more kills the dream of having a ‘normal’ experience of family building.

I can live with the disappointment since we’re not planning to conceive anytime soon, but I still think IF is a miserable bitch. And yes, I’ll say that to her face.

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Filed under Baby Making, Round 2, Infertility, Ovulation, PCOS, Pituitary Adenoma

Fear – Revisited

I’m worried. I’ve written before about the failure of my breasts to do anything remotely breast like, and my concerns about my future ability to breastfeed.

Today I was reading Jill’s update on her blog about her current issues with breastfeeding, and clicked over to this link that she posted about PCOS and breastfeeding. It feels like the final nail in my breastfeeding coffin.

 Nail 1: I did not experience any galactorrhoea (milk production) when I had very high Prolactin levels from my pituitary adenoma (which is often the prime symptom).

 Nail 2: My breasts have not changed at all with pregnancy. Not one little bit. They haven’t been sore, and they haven’t grown. I can still fit all my pre-pregnancy bras. While I’m not upset that my DD or E size boobs haven’t expanded into F or G cups, it does worry me that they have remained so inert.

 Nail 3: PCOS and it’s link with hypoplastic breast tissue.

Interestingly, I’ve never heard a single doctor mention the link between PCOS and inability to breastfeed, and I’ve never read it in a text book or journal article. I asked my father about it (which will seem less bizarre once I point out that he’s an obstetrician) and he doesn’t believe that there’s a correlation. But I have to say, the physiology that was (albeit briefly) described in the LLL article does seem to make sense.

The upshot of all that: I’m worried.

At the end of the day, I realise that I am incredibly lucky to be pregnant, and if I can’t breastfeed I will still have a healthy and happy baby (hopefully!). But just like I have imagined that moment when the doctor announces “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!”, so I have imagined breastfeeding my baby. Looking down at my child’s cute button nose pressed in to my breast, feeling that connection, knowing that I am nurturing them.  If I don’t get that experience, I know that part of me will feel just a little bit… ripped off.

In temporally and anatomically related – but contextually unrelated – news, I was hanging out the washing this morning a felt a tickle in my cleavage. I looked down expecting to find a stray hair or piece of lint, and what I found instead was a spider. There was a spider! In. my. bra.

I hate spiders and was so freaked out that I had to call H mid-hyperventilation so he could calm me down. There I was, outside by the clothes line only 2 metres from the neighbour’s house, desperately trying to get the spider out of my bra without touching it, and almost completely disrobing in the process.

My breasts may be a useful spider-catching tool, and they certainly make my clothes fit nicely, but I’m starting to worry that they won’t ever fulfil the purpose for which they are actually intended.

I guess only time will tell.

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Filed under Fear, PCOS, Pituitary Adenoma

I may have spoken too soon…

Last night my husband and I were sitting down after dinner and I was chatting away about a few things and mentioned how pleased I was that I hadn’t had any side effects from the Provera and Clomid. H gave me a sideways glance and asked what the SEs are. I mumbled something vague about mood swings etc etc, and noticed H trying to hide a smile.

“Why are you laughing?! Do you think I’m having MOOD SWINGS?!!!”

Ah , oops. I really wasn’t intending on yelling at him. I guess there’s my answer.

After H recovered from his fits of laughter he was able to convey that yes, perhaps my mood has seemed a little labile of late. I don’t know if it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, but a couple of times at work today I had to fight back tears. Things are pretty stressful there at the moment because my colleague is away on leave and because of the holidays I’m trying to cram 5 days of work into 3 days. On top of that I’m distracted by all my personal medical shenanigans. We don’t get mobile phone reception at work so I have to run around the corridors in my spare moments or wait until there’s no one around to make medical appointments and get results. And unfortunately my boss – who’s lovely – just hasn’t been very effectual this week. He works much better at a slow pace than a fast one! I pushed and pushed this morning to get some important tasks done, but somehow we still ended up spending our time on tasks that to me seem much less urgent. And I know what that means… tomorrow will be even worse than today.

This situation just reminded me so much of this time last year. It was a couple of weeks before Christmas 2008 that my pituitary tumour and PCOS were diagnosed, and I was upset and stressed trying to organise all my medical reviews and scans, all the while dealing with a very disorganised and unsympathetic senior staff member. I was working a particularly stressful job at that time and unfortunately my off-sider was off on extended compassionate leave. Luckily my seniors’  manager was fabulous and when I confided in him he really helped facilitate things for me. There certainly were some tears at work last year though, so feeling teary today just brought all those feelings flooding back.

Okay, my whinge is over! Now it’s time to hunker down to some Indian takeaway with H. It’s a particular treat that we love to indulge in from time-to-time (ie frequently), and although a 38 C day doesn’t seem like the best timing to eat hot Indian food, neither of us wanted to cook!

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Filed under Clomid, Infertility, PCOS, Pituitary Adenoma, Provera