Comparisons (warning: belly shots)

There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m bigger, earlier, this time around. Part of that is to do with the fact that I started off this pregnancy at the heaviest I’ve ever been (non-pregnant) and part of it is that traditionally women tend to show earlier with second pregnancies – I guess it has something to do with the (lack of) integrity of our abdominal wall 🙂

Whatever the reason, at 13 weeks I’m struggling to fit in to any of my normal clothes. Even relatively loose t-shirts are straining across my belly.

So, in the interests of full disclosure (actually, just to try to convince Kate to do that same) I’m posting comparison pics of my 12 week bellies.

2010: 12 weeks

2010: 12 weeks

2013: 12 weeks

2013: 12 weeks

As you can see, I’m just a little larger this time around 🙂

In fact, I look more like I did at 16 weeks.

2013: 12 weeks

2013: 12 weeks

2010: 16 weeks

2010: 16 weeks

So c’mon Kate, your turn!

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Filed under Baby Making, Round 2, Photos, Pregnancy

A series of tiny, life-changing moments

Before you read this post, go back and read my last post. Go on, trust me.

~~~~~~~~~~

That last post is, in retrospect, ironic. If you follow me on twitter you already know why. If you don’t, it’s because I’m pregnant. Somehow, on roughly CD 196, I got that “surprise post-IF baby” (well, pregnancy anyway, there’s still a long way to go for that take-home baby).

I’d been feeling pretty unwell for a week or two – exhausted, off my food, randomly queasy. And then one day I vomited in the garage because my car smelt funny when I opened the door to get in. That sort of behaviour did not seem normal… but it did seem familiar. It was a tiny, tiny moment that changed my life, because it made me consider a possibility I had, to that point, ignored.

It still took me a few days to test; pregnancy just seemed so damn unlikely. And to be honest, I guess I was scared (I honestly can’t tell you whether I was more scared of getting a positive or negative result, both were terrifying).

Eventually, I did test. My work involves exposure to radiation; not generally enough to be highly harmful to a foetus, but enough that my work practices would need to change significantly if I were pregnant. I was at work one morning, with a long day of radiation-exposure in front of me, and the need to test just became overwhelming. I felt too great a responsibility to this maybe-foetus to put it off any longer. Of course, I didn’t have a test with me, despite working in a hospital I couldn’t find one anywhere at work, and it wasn’t looking likely that I’d get a lunch break in order to duck out to the shops. In the end, my close work friend snuck out of work and bought me one. She was the first person I told, squeezed in a utility closet, not sure whether to laugh or cry and ultimately doing both. It was surreal. Another tiny, life-changing moment.

Pretty quickly, reality set in. I needed to tell H, and was unsure what sort of reception I’d get (he’d stated quite specifically several times over the preceding 6 months that another baby was not something he wanted right now). I needed to tell my work, an equally fraught and complex situation (again, if you follow me on twitter you have probably picked up that my workplace is not the most functional or supportive of environments, a story for a whole other post). I had no idea how many weeks I was and needed to arrange a doctor’s appointment and early ultrasound for dating purposes. I needed to choose a new obstetrician (again, another post, but I knew we weren’t going back to our previous OB). And I needed to do all this within about 12 hours, without yet having a chance to decided how I even felt about this situation.

Bottom line, I was ambivalent. I was surprised, anxious, excited, terrified, stressed, and joyful all at the same time. There were lots of issues to sort out and decisions to make (or at least worry about) before H and I could take time to relax and process this news. I was also angry. Despite what I implied in my last post, this was not the joyful surprise pregnancy I imagined and I felt angry at infertility for taking that experience away from me once again. While it’s true that we have achieved a second pregnancy without any treatments, without the multiple stressors of ART, the reality was that it wasn’t something we intended, and on CD 196 it wasn’t something that should have even been possible. I felt nervous about telling my husband, I felt more anxiety than happiness about this pregnancy. I felt like I couldn’t allow myself to be happy.

The good news is that now, at 13 weeks, it feel like a blessing. It is all the more wondrous for the manner in which it happened. We’re getting our second child (with pretty ideal child-spacing to boot) without even trying.

All the other issues (of which many remain) have faded into relative insignificance. We are so, so lucky.

Still freakin’ nervous.

But lucky.

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Filed under Baby Making, Round 2, Infertility, Pregnancy

The Miserable Bitch

I had my 6-monthly follow up with my endocrinologist last month to monitor my pituitary adenoma. Luckily I had the whole day off work so I was able to rush into the city first thing to get my blood taken (I have to get it taken at the same lab each time), then spend the day exploring the city (by which I mean shopping) before my appointment in the afternoon.

The good news is that my blood levels are all in the normal range. My specialist is so happy that he doesn’t think I need an MRI next year and will step me down to yearly visits. Fewer doctor appointments? I’m on board with that! I still have to get my prolactin levels checked regularly and let him know if they go up again, or if I get pregnant (yeah, right).

The bad news is that after more than six months of nearly-regular cycles during which I’m pretty sure I was ovulating, my body seems to have fallen back into it’s old PCOS ways. I’m on CD 84 with a complete absence of any hormonal signs or symptoms.  Welcome back to anovulatory world! I guess that means no surprise post-IF baby for me. While that’s probably a good thing because our lives are just too hectic at the moment to seriously contemplate adding to our family, it means that I once more have to give up all those dreams. You know the ones: being able to surprise H with the news of a pregnancy, not having to undergo fertility treatment for round two. Basically, it once more kills the dream of having a ‘normal’ experience of family building.

I can live with the disappointment since we’re not planning to conceive anytime soon, but I still think IF is a miserable bitch. And yes, I’ll say that to her face.

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Filed under Baby Making, Round 2, Infertility, Ovulation, PCOS, Pituitary Adenoma

The Big T-W-O

Despite being cold and wet the day before, the day of Will’s second birthday party was perfect outdoor barbecue weather.  We kept it small, with three of Will’s friends and their parents, plus my in-laws who were staying with us for a week. It was a great afternoon.

Fairy bread. With the exception of two slices, Will ate the entire plate of it before we realised what was happening. This was the last slice, disappearing down the hatch!

Will’s face lit up when he saw the cake. Not sure whether it was the digger or the chocolate but he sure was happy!

Yes, this happened. And yes, like any good mother I grabbed the camera and took a picture rather than take the not-empty bottle of wine off my two-year old.

It’s all about priorities.

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Filed under Family, Non-IF Stuff, Photos

Gettin’ My Craft On

It’s T-7 days until Will’s (very small and simple) birthday barbecue so I have been getting busy making a few small things to personalise the event.

I’m still waiting for some stuff that I’ve ordered to arrive (please get here on time, please) but I’m keeping it pretty simple so hopefully there won’t be a last minute panic to get things done. Because, you know, I just don’t do last minute panic 😉

Will loves all things vehicular, particularly construction vehicles, so there’s a very loose theme based around construction vehicles and the colours navy, orange, white and grey.

Invitation

Party bag tags

And I’m going to attempt a cake inspired by this, but with a blue digger on top (if it arrives in time, that is).

I’m going to throw a whole stack of kids toys in one end of the courtyard, and a bucket ‘o beer at the other for the adults. There are going to be lots of balloons  because, well, they’re easy, cheap and effective, and I’m lazy. Everybody pray for good weather because I can’t imagine how we’ll fit everyone in our small living area if it rains.

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Filed under Non-IF Stuff

Wordless Wednesday: Fun in the Sun

2 Comments

October 10, 2012 · 12:27 pm

Polyvore Love

Dana over at House*Tweaking recently introduced me to Polyvore.

An unhealthy addiction has since been formed 🙂

LIVING ROOM

Living Room

MASTER BED

Master Bedroom

A little bit of hypothetical interior design is way more important that study, right?

Has anybody else jumped on the Polyvore bandwagon?

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Filed under Non-IF Stuff, Photos, Uncategorized